There is such a huge variety of people in a bar, that you will have a hard time finding a match. A better place to start is your grocery store. You can check out the eating habits of a person and look at her lifestyle. It’s fairly easy to find people who know how to take care of themselves and would be a good fit, and the ones who you would rather avoid. Can I hear you say fast-food vs fresh-food? I hope so.

Another great place are Yoga classes or Gym classes that are mostly booked by women. As you may have guessed, most men hate those and don’t have the balls to join a group of women sweating. It provides instant attraction, as you show the woman that you are not afraid to enter the lion’s den and are comfortable around women. Given the fact that there are usually 20 woman for every man entering such a class, your odds increase quite a bit.

Picking up a fun hobby is never wrong, there are plenty of sports or groups that are rarely touched by men, and if you know where to find these spots in your city you will have an easy time meeting women that are sober enough to not puke on your bed before you score a touchdown. Another bonus is, the more women you get to know the more you will get to know their female friends. It’s a circle. Oh you see that sexy beast of a man, and he is even sensible and has this manly aura. Welllll, you gotta work on that though. It’s not just going to a place, it’s learning how to behave. Saying no to a woman on a regular basis, getting to know women and telling them that they make nice friends. Not being to attached and needy. Those are the things that just display your lack of confidence and will decrease your value, no matter where you look. Start to make female friends, they are the best wingmen, they have plenty of female friends and they can be fun to hang out with. Don’t give up your men groups, but your friends will probably look at you in a different way once you bring those 10 hot chicks from the gym class to the party. Just make sure that there is at least one of them that wants you or you will be empty handed and just look like a fool. A likeable fool though. Go out, get to know women, learn how they think and be more of a man that women want instead of projecting an image of a man that you think women want. That is something that usually does not fit together. Otherwise every man who buys a woman a drink or a set of flowers would be the hero in a shiny armor.

1. Don’t wait for a good moment, just approach. The longer you will wait, the harder it will be.
2. Open nicely, you can go for a stupid opener, you can go for an opinion getter, you can do whatever, your intention is to have a good time, make her smile and then, piss her off a little tiny teeny weeny bit. Don’t make her angry, just make her go to a friend cuff, GRRRR or whatever. Show that you are funny and can make a bit of fun of her. You don’t need her approval.
3. Get yourself a wingman. Top Gun Style, you need people who will help you, it’s easier. Just think of the good old rat pack and how they always had the most fun.

Well that’s about it. Approaching is dead simple, you simple go there and open. It’s not so much about the words, your body language and voice tone have to be right, otherwise you will lose. Learning this is something that can be done through a variety of things. Martial arts give more self confidence and remove self-doubts and fear. Dancing lessons can make you more comfortable around women. Success in  the world will give you a higher self opinion, just make sure that you don’t sell yourself with your job unless you want your payroll to be the main attraction factor. Pick up surfing, skateboard, or a different kind of sport that is fun, where you can take pictures of yourself, that is FUN to talk about. If you have to you can depend on cruches such as palm reading or magic tricks. Those things are fun, but most men just fake it till they make it. They are not really interested in it and after inital burst of attraction they don’t have much to offer. Don’t look for a woman to improve your boring life, rather improve your boring life and you will get a woman along the way. And most of the woman who are interesting, sexy and funny happen to be in ohter places as well. Places where you don’t have to fake as much, have easier ways to open and can simply combine your everyday activities with fliritng, dating and having fun with women.

1. Yell some random name, tip her gently on the shoulder from behind, or go over the top like you have seen an old friend, and then, in case you did not get punched in your face, just move on to some line that you thought you know her, and for that surprise she gave you “she is bound to invite you to a café”.
2. Standing at a bus stop, waiting with another sexy lady, just start a conversation about whatever is happening around you. Try something funny that will help passing the time faster.
3. Ask for the way around to some place, if she knows where to go, invite her somewhere. In case she does not know just say, “What? you don’t know where that is? I got to show you, come along.”
4. When you see a woman walking up to you that you are interested in start walking backwards once she you are in front of each other, wait for the reaction and go from there. Done right this can be a great and fun opener.
5. Just say “Hi, nice to meet you. You are a lucky winner! You just won a café and some stimulation conversation, write down your name and number, so we can have some fun later on.” Enjoy yourself.  Just try to have some fun with this one. It’s a killer if you do it right.

You are save at home!

You are in your own home, comfortable and have no need to fear anything. That’s great, because what most people look for is someone who is comfortable in his own skin. So in case you are comfortable in your own home, you should be able to write and talk easily.

You can think about everything before you answer!

You can ALWAYS wait when you receive a message and say you did not have to time respond. Even with Instant messengers, which are usually very quick with responses, you can always let people wait to spark some sort of attraction. And then get to them at a later point and say, damn I had to leave, was something important… blabla, just to display some social status and that you have a life besides the computer.

You don’t have to be available every time

In case you look to meet people, you can just send out a few dozens messages, those can even be the same to every person you find interesting, and wait for responses. In case you get none, tweak the message, in case you get a few, get into contact with those. In case you get a lot you know you have done it right and you can select who YOU think is interesting after their message. It’s important to stand out of the crowd, but most people get this the wrong way, you have to display value, which means that your time is expensive. Who are you to write 4 page letters to some unknown? That’s pretty creepy.

Trial and Error is your friend!

This is great with online dating, there are free services, there are paid services, you can just create an account with some nickname at one place, create another account at some other place with a different nickname and just test out which techniques are working.

Don’t hesitate!

Don’t wait to check out if online dating is something for you. Just start out and create a fun user profile at some site and think about a great letter. Some ideas for this are:

“Why is someone at on online dating site, posting fake pictures because you are scared outside?”

“Oh there seem to be so many desperate people here, still you look like you could make a nice friend.”

In case someone wrote about the age and is older/younger tease them with that. “Oh my, I can’t believe I am writing this to you, you seem so young but interesting…” or “Geee, I can’t believe I write this, but I wonder if you have the energy to keep up with someone younger than you…”

Create a few standard messages for different types of women and sent them according to the profile picture you see. (Age, Hair Color, clothing, cartoon avatar… be creative)

There are zillions of ways, don’t limit yourself to one, just test the waters and see what works for YOU. You can just head over to Lavalife and join them for free!

Drinks flow, the music is exiting and the atmosphere sparkling, why shouldn’t you go on date hunt here? Because, every woman who goes out at night expects to be approached by some guy, who is probably drunk and unless he is very good looking or/and got plenty of Game will probably be rejected. It’s great to have a fun time and party, and you might end up with a girl on your side, but you have to work hard for it. There are better places to start at.

The setting

A Café is a great place to start a conversation. It’s not too loud, people are there to either have a conversation, meet other people, have a cup of coffee, relax, in short, just to spend some good time with too many thought ahead. You will find plenty of couples and people interacting with each other. The advantage is that opposing to a night setting there is not much alcohol involved and you can actually get to know a real person instead of some drunk party affair that you will regret later on.

How to approach

There are many ways to start a conversation in a café, you can try to use quotes from famous persons, or you simply approach people and ask them for a seat at their table to join the conversation. Try to find something easy and light and start from there.

Examples:

• The whole cafe is empty, only 2 beautiful girls sit at one table, at least 4-5 tables are free next to them. “Hi, this whole spot is so crowded, let me sit down at this table.” Grab a chair with a smile and join the conversation. In case they are offended be smart and funny. Look at them in a weird way and say something like, “What you don’t see the other people?” Raising your eyebrow and smiling. Just make them laugh a bit so they know you are a fun time and not afraid to approach them.
• A crowded café is usually an easy place to start a conversation, you just have too look for tables with an empty seat and join them. Be nice, smile and have some fun. Try to join the conversation, just start with a “Hi, it’s more crowded than last summer sale at the black sock grabbling table. You can’t imagine how cheap bankers are… feel like inviting me to a coffee?”

No-No’s at a Café

• Don’t buy a drink to a stranger. It’s simply bad to start a conversation and offer them something for that in return. Rather try to get them to pay your bills.
• Don’t drink alcohol to overcome your approach anxiety, it will backfire in most cases.

The next steps

After approaching someone your main goal should be to either get a phone number or email address. Just have some great conversation and show some genuine interest in some parts of the conversation that will lead to a connection. Don’t rush, but don’t stay to long. It’s usually better to have some nice smalltalk, leave great impression and be the first to leave. Just say “Hey, I got to go, this was a great time, what’s your email so we can repeat this once in a while and we can meet again. You seem to be cool and I imagine you’d make a nice friend.”

There are things to talk about and places you could arrange a date that day if everything is going well. Be creative and just have a good time. It’s not about getting a date, it’s about enjoying what you are doing and getting to know people.

Dates don’t suck when you pick the right spots

It’s not the dates that suck, it’s the way that the man/woman in the street thinks “what a date should be like” sucks. A date should not be something awkward where you go out, drink, ask uncomfortable questions and plan your future. A date is some time where you interact with someone else, get to know the other, talk, have fun, get some first body contact and find out if you like each other and if there is some attraction underneath.

Don’t go on dates

Yeah you heard me right, don’t go on dates. Don’t ask someone else to go on a date unless you want to have something that was not planned by nature. Nature has some natural selection processes and usually the most important process is that people are tested if they are good as a potential mate. Now for that matter it’s important to find the right person, which is done through tests and a date is like an F in that test. You already show interest and are easy to get. Where is the tension? Next please, both know it and it doesn’t work in so many cases, it’s a scary waste of time.
In case you really want to go on a date and have a coffee or dinner do it later on. Not during the first 5-10 dates. Maybe have a picnic or something, but don’t over commit yourself with too much conversation you can’t handle.

What you should do instead

Learn to have fun. Almost everyone who went on a date knows that feeling that you don’t know what you should talk about, feeling uncomfortable and just those bad thoughts “Is that supposed to feel like that?”. Step away from a regular date and how you were told it should look like.

• Start acting out of the norm, go on dates in grocery stores, look what food your potential mate buys, loads of information and conversation there.
• Take your dog for a walk, you will know if the other side likes animals very fast.
• Do sports and test out if the other is fit enough for you.

There are so many ways to test out if the person you are looking for is the right one, but questions usually are a bad way to find out. The way to go is through natural selection, which would be to share some of your usual activities with a stranger and just see how that turns out and if you enjoy the time together. In case you do that, it’s far easier to develop a connection between each other, or to find out that you don’t fit together!

Learn to live a life where you can actually share your activities. Sitting in front of a computer won’t do the trick unless the other one is a geek as well, which would probably be ok for a serial online dater.

There are so many things to make your life more interesting for yourself, learn how to make music, have some sort of interesting and intellectual hobbies, join some interesting clubs you can take people to. There are so many interesting things to do in life and in case you already have great hobbies you should not try to hide them and be someone else by going on fake dates. Let natural selection take place and just find someone that is really interested in you and that you are interested in, fake dates and conversation show only parts of ourselves, for example it’s pretty hard to fake love for dogs when you go out with one. It’s true that there usually is someone out there for everyone, the problem is when you act like everyone else your true self does not shine through and just some fake gossip will end up in dates that suck.

Take responsibility

It’s up to you! Don’t say dates suck, because the society taught you the wrong way to act with some strange movies that tell stories that are nice stories, but far away from reality. It’s far more important to have a great time and enjoy your life, don’t let dates be a waste of time, make them a great tool for your relationships.

This is the uber thing to have when you meet for the first time at your place. Hop in, get something and hop out. It will make it far easier to get back to your place at a later time. Most people will try to get their date into their place and keep it prison, don’t be that guy.

Music

You want to have some good music at your place, music that you like and that shows your character. You should not bent yourself and so you have to really ask yourself if you want to date someone who is into Techno when you listen to Heavy Metal.

Food

Good food shows you know how to take care of yourself. It’s a great way to end meet and cook something together or for the other one. Some high quality chocolate or healthy and easy consumable fruits like grapes are must haves.

Pictures at the wall

Pictures, with frames or on canvas should that you actually managed to move out of childhood into adulthood. In case you can’t throw away your old poster, frame them! You don’t have to live in a dark cave to show you are an alpha male, develop some style!

Open Curtains

Open curtains are a must have when you are first meeting at your place. DON’T close the curtains and light candles, try to get together at daylight and leave your home as soon as possible. You might get back to it at a later time, but you should not show that you would love to pull the other one into your bedroom, give it some time and those will close naturally.

Books

We here at Killer-Dating love books, so this is an easy one for us, books show that you broaden your horizon and have value. Don’t come across like a dork, but show that you are interested in different topics.

Good lighting

Good light is related to the open curtains, but you should have some great light for the time when those curtains are closed! Candles are great, you can get them for cheap at big Swedish warehouses or you have some nice mood lights. It will help to evolve the date.

Toys / Games

Toys or games are great, but you should only have a few of those. There is a lot of fun involved in playing with things. Games are great to lighten up the date, toys are something to mess around with. You can always say that you had a surprise visit of someone with a child and they forgot those toys right here.

Camera or pictures

Show some skills, you can always say you are a photographer and take a few pictures or show a few pictures and in case you have a digital camera you can alter those pictures and draw a moustache on it

Pen & Paper

Pen and Paper is great to start drawing something. Having our origins in the creative industries we love to create something and found out that it’s a great way to connect with people. Just start with a few lines and the other one continues the image. Or you could have some crayons and a color book, that your nephew forgot at your place and you could have some fun with those.

The setting

Let’s look at an average grocery store, you find everything there that already qualifies someone else for a date. You have the healthy foods, you have, depending on your country a liquor area, the fast food, clothes, electronics, magazines, just about everything that can be fun and entertaining. The great part is, you can just go there when you need and if you see someone interesting you can start a conversation.

How to approach

There are many ways to start a conversation, you can for example try to use quotes from famous persons, or you go somewhere and ask for an honest opinion about a product you want to pick. Try to find something easy and light and start from there.

Examples:

• “Hi, I have to ask you for a female opinion, we have this party later and need a few snack, what would you recommend.” In case you get some sort of connection, exchange a few words and have a fun time you can just say, “Well, I gotta go, but you look like fun hanging around with! You should give me your number/email so we can have a cup of tea and chat!” Off you go, and the next day you can send an email with how great that party went and how the snack tip turned out. Just a short mail, maybe 3-5 lines and off you go, add two dates with something you do at a public place where she can join you.
• You slightly bump into their shoppingcart and tell her it is her fault, in a funny and playful way and try to emerge a conversation from that point. Try to offer an agility course when you do whatever sport you do later that day and offer her to join, or simply ask for her email.
• Pick something from the shelves and make involve it in the conversation. Just make sure you make it playful and funny. You don’t want to project a psycho image.

The next steps

The grocery store is just a great place to meet women and you should try to get some conversation started and spark enough emotional connection that you can just get that email, or go for a coffee after the shopping tour, because you need a break. Everything should be playful, fun and you should have a great time. You don’t have to spend a fortune to meet women, there is a pretty good chance that you will find someone interesting around the corner.

NOPE! It sure hell doesn’t do that. The dating industry is good, due to the many men that don’t know how to interact with women and have to learn it step by step.

The modern man should take it like Bruce Lee and ‘Absorb what is useful’. There usually is not one method that works for everyone and the only way to learn is to read, act and make mistakes. Unless you don’t make mistakes you can’t learn. Dating is more of an inner game with yourself than what other people think. You have to learn to play with your mind and to lose the fear of approaching and rejection, learn how you can manipulate yourself into a better way of living and the most important part how to lead an interesting and fun life that you can be proud of. Just do what makes you happy and the positive vibrations will carry over on others. You just have to learn that like most everyday activities learning with books or a coach creates a better learning curve and will lead to a quicker mastery of whatever you want to become.

Leaning how to judge the offers presented to you is a key lesson in life management. There are people who want to do you good, like to teach and see others succeed and then there is the other kind, the people who like to see their pockets fattend by your money. Don’t throw away your hard earned cash at people who don’t know what they are talking about. The first step towards mastering dating and relationships is to master your life, and that won’t happen if you go on 10.000 dates.

The key questions to ask yourself in case you are thinking about joining a program are…

… do those people offer free material?

… can I get my money back?

… how good is their reputation?

… do they offer live coaching?

… are there forums around that could help me improve?

… are there free resources that offer the same amount?

… how much am I willing to pay to master this issue in my life?

… how much am I willing to change my behavoir?

… do I look for a solution of a problem that is rooted somewhere else, can I improve myself first?

… do I know real people who could help me out and show me how to improve? Do I have friends who are skilled in this matter that could help me?

… people who are out there to help others want some money for their time, but their mission is to help and you can see that through their actions and the reactions of the community!

Lower your own value

This mistake will cost you everything. You go out and have fun and then you start talking like you don’t deserve the date and show how lucky you are to get that date.
Don’t do that. It’s important to realize that dating is an everyday activity performed by millions of people everyday. It’s nothing special. It should be fun, and you should know that you are a great catch. Smart, fun to hang around with and that the other side should be happy do be on a date with you.

Talk about negative things

Try to talk about fun things. In case some relatives passed away and you feel miserable, just don’t go for dating. People want to have fun or some stimulating conversation when they go out. Something to get their minds and body work. Negative will connect the date with negative feeling and you usually don’t want that to happen.

Ask stupid questions like: What kind of guys do you usually date?

Seriously, you are on a date with her, why would you care about the past or what she is into? You are sitting there, don’t try to get away and show what a weak boy you are. Be proud of yourself and have fun.

Have bad breath

No excuse for that. Ever got closer and thought that the other person must have eaten a seven weak old cat for lunch and you put all your self control into action to suppress the upcoming vomit. Don’t be that guy.

Being boring

It’s tough to teach someone not to be boring, but being boring is just one of those things that will kill a date. On a killer date you will have plenty of fun and want to remember it for the next few weeks as one of the best experiences you had. Learn to connect positive feelings and an emotional connection, but be yourself, don’t turn into a weak and sloppy yes-sayer. It’s great when people want to spend time with you.